Black and White

There are some people that see things as either one way or another. That describes my youngest, TL, completely. Take what happened yesterday. My husband took the boys to The Tech Museum and TL overheard that food and drinks were not allowed inside. This was all he needed to know.  He soon was telling total strangers that they were not supposed to have food there. He didn’t make room for exceptions and didn’t know how to ignore the lawbreakers.  It was simply black and white.

It’s like that a lot in our house. The whole process of explaining strangers to TL has been daunting. The social exceptions, like the old lady commenting how cute my daughter is or the man lifting his hat (people still do that!?) and saying good morning, are all lost on him. He takes these interactions to mean he can talk to any stranger. Then if we explain that a certain person is a stranger, that means all people that look this way are strangers. Or that kids can’t be strangers.

Concrete thinking. That’s what this style is called by professionals. Everything is literal and hyperboles can result in some really amusing misunderstandings. Rules are rules and if he has to follow them (though he rarely does) then so should everyone else. He kind of exemplifies the saying “do as I say and not as I do!”

What makes things even more difficult with TL is that he is VERY outspoken.  He has no problem sticking up for himself and voicing his opinion.  This can be a bit embarrassing at times. Like the time he shouted at a lady pushing a grocery cart down the street with her child sitting in the large part of the cart.  Oh, my, did he have lots to say then.  “Why are you pushing that cart?” “You’re not in a grocery store!” “Why is the kid riding there?” “That’s dangerous. He should not do that.” He was right on all accounts but…it was not his place.

Or was it? Maybe we need more people that see things for what they are and will speak up when something is wrong. Maybe we are supposed to gently guide outspoken children into the activists, preachers, leaders, of tomorrow.  

Maybe instead of using black and white thinking in our labels, we could see that each person has a value higher than we could ever imagine. Instead of dwelling on the embarrassing episodes, we can remember that someday we view those memories as the start of someone really, really  great!