Sometimes things happen that really shine a spotlight on the
difference between my boys and their peers.
Yesterday was one of those times.
My older son, TJ, got invited to a beach party with some of
his friends that he graduated elementary school with. We all went hoping for the best. What I got was a big dose of reality.
Let me preface this by saying that I don’t keep my boys in a
bubble. We do, however, monitor
situations and decide what is appropriate.
I thought yesterday would be great for both boys. And, as far as they are concerned, it was. For me, on the other hand, it was an eye
opener.
TJ was so happy to see some of his old friends and settled
in to help one of them build a sandcastle.
Except for the reminders I had to give him to pull up his shorts and
keep his bottom covered, things were good.
Then, more friends showed up.
Some of them were boogie boarding. We have never had TJ boogie board, just
because he really still doesn’t know how to swim well unsupervised. It’s a coordination issue, but that is
another blog. Other kids were striking
up conversations with each other.
Uh-oh. I know this is hard thing
for TJ, but I figured he would be more comfortable since he went to school with
these kids for so many years.
I saw him standing around by the sand castles and looking so
confused. I could practically see the
thought bubbles above his head: “Where
is everybody at...Oh, they are talking over there…I wonder if someone will come
and build something with me…Man, it is hot…”
He walked over to me and told me that he was bored. I pointed out that his friends were all over
there. He should go hang out with them. I mean, that is the whole reason why I lugged
my pregnant self across all this sand, right?
Of course he was still left not knowing what to do. He finally went wading in the water, only for
his friends to decide it was a great time to play volleyball.
TL was having a better good afternoon. He dug in the sand, made his father make
countless trips down to the surf to fill buckets of water, knocked over the
sand castles the bigger kids made, and threw sand at people. While some of these behaviors were annoying,
no one said a peep and probably wrote it off as typical bratty kid stuff.
Things took a turn when he decided to go and grab a 3-foot
shovel from some kids down the beach.
They were total strangers and he just grabbed the shovel and said it was
his. He swung it around wildly and told
them they were not nice. The kids (and
their parents) looked at TL like he was Chucky, while I tried to count to 5 and
tell him to put the shovel down (and just where was I going to give him a time
out on the beach?). That seemed to work,
but it was obviously time to go.
Now, it is not like I didn’t know that my boys have problems
in social situations. I use all the
right phrases (social awkwardness, lack of social cues, socially challenged),
but sometimes you just see it, right
there, and it makes my heart sink into my stomach.
I like what John Schneider from the old show Dukes of Hazzard once said, “But some
things that most children just kind of learn by osmosis need to be taught to a
child with Asperger's”—or autism. I
realized yesterday, just how much more I still need to teach my boys. Maybe someday, a trip to the beach with
friends will actually be relaxing. Maybe
someday…
